The Child Becomes the Parent

Jenny? Jenny!

Yes, mom?

Don’t. Be. Alarmed. But I think you should call 911. Or the Toxic People. No, 911. I don’t know.

Mom, you’re stoned. It’s OK.

Oh God. I can feel my blood pressure dropping.

Yep, you’re stoned.

I took one of your Vicodin before you came home. I should’ve told you. I think I’m dying.

First, stop taking my Vicodin – I don’t have health coverage. And you’re not dying. You’re. Just. Stoned.

Oh no. I’m tingly all over. I can’t walk. I think your friends gave you “Bad Shit”.

Nope. Tingly = “Good Shit”. Pretty sure

15 minutes later…..


Yes, mom?

I’m sorry I ever doubted the integrity of your friends with the “marry-jew-wanna”. Hahahahahaha. I can’t feel anything. Anything…

That’s nice mom.



You’re such a good girl for taking care of me. What should I tell the cops?

What cops?

The cops. When they come to bust me.

Bust you for what?

For smoking the “marry-jew-waaaanaaaa”.

Nobody cares mom.

I’ll tell them I got it from the maintenance man!

What maintenance man?

There’s always a maintenance man! With weeeeed.

Ok, mom.

No, no, no… I’ll tell them I’m 61 fucking years old and they can fuck off!

Ok, mom. I promise nobody cares. Nobody’s coming to bust anyone.

Are you twucking?


Twicking? Twucking?

No, mom. I’m not “tweeting” about you. (totally lied.)

15 minutes later….

POISON CONTROL!!! Hahahahahahaha!!! Fuckers. Not “Toxic People”. Hahahahahaha.  ***see line 3 at top***

The rest of the conversation seemed to be between my mother and the voices in her head. They all seemed to be having a lovely time.

*I* certainly was having a lovely time because after days and days of listening to my mother cry I just couldn’t take it anymore. She wants to die. She’s severely depressed. She’s almost immobile. She’s in constant, chronic, debilitating pain stemming from 40+ years of spinal trauma. If giving her the “marry-jew-wanna” is going to make her smile and stop the crying for just a few moments a day, then so be it. I’ll be the kid that gets her mom stoned.


One Response to “The Child Becomes the Parent”

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by whistlerkristen and Jenny Shultz, Jenny Shultz. Jenny Shultz said: The Child Becomes the Parent: […]

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