Please Stop Apologizing!

I meet a lot of people every day while I’m working. Ninety percent of the time the conversation turns to personal chit chat, especially when my clients are women, and 90% of the chit chat ends up being about kids, dogs, family, etc. I cannot tell you how many times in a week I get asked if I’m married, or what does my husband do or, my personal fave, “and what does your husband say/think about that?”. My response is always the truth. I say, “I’m not married”, because I’m not. Nor do I have a boyfriend and haven’t had one since my daughter was 2. She just started high school.

I am not offended by the question. Not in any way. I do not get upset. I do not cry and throw myself a pity party in front of my client. Nor do I take offense and stand on my feminist high horse with sword in hand exclaiming that I chose this life. I just answer the question and continue the conversation. Unfortunately most women I meet immediately say, “Ooooh, I’m sorry“.

You’re sorry? Why exactly are you sorry? Are you sorry you asked the question? Or are you sorry that I’m about to turn 38 and have never been married? Are you sorry that since I’m unmarried and have a teenager I must have had a hard life? I don’t mind the questions regarding the assumed husband. What I do mind is the apology. In that moment and just for that moment, your apology makes me feel “less than”, disadvantaged in some way, possibly broken and completely and utterly fucked up. And the next moment that feeling is gone.

My point is this: There are a million reasons why some people never get married. Some choose it, some don’t, but please, please, PLEASE stop apologizing unless you are apologizing for the ASSUMPTION. And if that actually is the case, no apology necessary, really.

OK, so this video is only loosely related to this post, but I had to include it. Enjoy. And your welcome.